35 and crawling...

I'm 35 today.

My kids woke me up this morning by quietly climbing on the band and gently singing Happy Birthday to my ear (they even followed it by an English version, to my astonishment). Pretty cool.

I'm very much nearing half a life-expectancy, and I'm not quite sure I want to take stock. I don't think I'm quite in the position where I'd like to be in my personal life. I'm having second thoughts about my professional choices, which leave me in the middle of the river, so to speak. I'm not earning enough to allow my wife a worry free choice of pursuing a career or not, and I'm in too much of a stressful position to enjoy what life there is to enjoy. Conundrums, conundrums.

These interrogations are coming up in all aspects of my non-professional life as well. I haven't played a gig in over 9 months, and a serious gig in over three years. I want to do more musically, but I don't have the time and energy to work at it properly. I'm still in love with RPGs (my other hobby, about which, thankfully, I decided not to blog!) but it takes too much time preparing and the long evenings are becoming incompatible with the rest of my life. And yet I can't one second imagine dropping my hobbies.

On the other hand, I have two delightful (if rowdy) little boys - who both love Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan and Gypsy Jazz, at least for now - a loving wife, a home that will be mine in 20 years or so, and all things considered, I can't complain. Maybe I ask myself too many questions. Is this an early mid-life crisis, brought upon by shifts in male hormone and overweightness ?

Oh well. Sorry for this little bit of "traditional blogging". My mother in law just signed me a check for $100 saying "make yourself happy". She did warn me about not buying only CDs though! I'll go and acquire stuff tomorrow. For a few hours, that'll help stop the thinking process at least!

Happy Birthday Me!

Comments

[marc]

Happy Birthday from the States, Ben!

If it means anything to ya, my father told me years 30 through 35 were probably the toughest for him (felt old, wasn't quite where he wanted to be, etc.). He's 60 now. I'm 31.

-Marc

[Tesche]

Happy Birthday Ben!

[Edu]

Happy Birthday!!!

[Harmonica Ben]

Bon anniversaire à toi Ben...

[Benoît F.]

Thanks to you all, guys!

Lotsa questions, few answers...

I'm guessing that's a design flaw of life!

[leonardo kenji]

congratulations, Ben :-)

[Paul Lassey]

Bon anniversaire Ben !!!! sol,sol,la,sol,do,si..

[Murray]

My birthday greetings are all the more voluble for being a couple of days late. All the best for this year.

And on the existential questions, cool your jets. You contribute way more to the important things in life (music, RPG, underemployed friends in need of a hand) than most of us. More in an editorial, managerial way than strictly participatory, but an evolving role is a feature of experience.

As my mother might say, congratulations on surviving this far.